he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize