K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
