I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
