the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
