Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize