i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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