she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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