My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
