whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize