Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
