She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
