Can Purell be used as lube?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
