I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
