Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
