Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
