Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
