So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
