i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
