I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
