dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
