Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
