Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
