did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
