Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
