He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
