he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
