Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
