We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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