i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
