He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
