I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
