I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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