i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize