in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
3 2 1 whiskey
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
