I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
