she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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