Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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