At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
