dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
