I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize