I wish I could teleport
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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