Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize