I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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