i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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