I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
