you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
