no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
