I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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