3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
