My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
