You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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