I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
