We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
