I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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