I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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