Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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