Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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