She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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