Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
