So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
