we have officially lost it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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