Sponge bath it is.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
