You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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