Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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