Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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