I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
