U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
