so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
