I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they're like a gay fantastic four
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
