I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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