I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
