The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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