I wannas sexs uuuuu
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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