i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
