i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
