yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
