mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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