Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
