Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize