he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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