I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
