So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
