i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
