I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
