Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
