dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
