$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
