How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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