what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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