I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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