I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize