where am i from again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
