your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
