first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize