i just had sex bonerless
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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