I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
A+ Viking dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
