What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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