Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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