You're my little dorito
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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