we have officially lost it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
