When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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