honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
