You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
