dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
