Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize