my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
