i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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